You know, I seen a lot of things in my life, but nothing like this primitive WWE. It’s a sight to behold, I tell ya. All them folks, jumpin’ and yellin’, throwin’ each other around. Back in my day, we had real scraps, not this fancy stuff. But hey, these young’uns seem to like it.
They got these big ol’ fellas, muscles all over, like they been liftin’ cows or somethin’. And they got names, too, names you wouldn’t believe. Stone Cold, The Rock, sound like somethin’ out of a storybook. This primitive WWE, it’s like a whole other world.
- They got this one fella, Sami Zayn, I think they call him. He’s a scrawny one, but he sure can fight. Took him forever to win some big prize, the NXT Champion. I don’t know what that is, but it sure sounds important. Heard someone say it was an underdog story. We had underdogs back in my day, too, dogs that lived under the porch.
- And that Neville fella, he fought Sami for that prize. They call it a match, like lightin’ a fire. But it ain’t nothin’ like the matches we used to have. Ours were quicker.
- This one time, they had a big fight, Bret Hart and Steve Austin. WrestleMania, they called it. Sounds like a disease. Must have been important, though. Everyone was talkin’ about it.
They even rate these fights, like judgin’ cattle at the fair. Stars, they give ’em. One fella got seven stars. Seven! Must have been a real doozy of a fight. They say it was Kazuchika Okada and Kenny Omega. Sounds like a couple of fellas from over yonder.
This Will Ospreay, they say he’s in a whole bunch of these fights, more than anyone. 44 of ’em, they say, got five stars or more. Five stars! That’s a lot of stars. My old eyes can barely see that many in the sky at night. He must be somethin’ special, this primitive WWE sure does love him, I reckon.
Someone made a list, a big ol’ list, of all the fights you gotta see. Said it was 505 fights. 505! I ain’t never seen that many fights in my whole life. They put it on a computer, a spreadsheet they call it. My grandbaby showed me one of them once. Looked like a checkerboard. They say there’s 10 to 14 fights in one big meet. That’s like a whole day of fightin’!
I seen folks watchin’ these fights on a little box, a network they call it. WWE Network. They sit there for hours, just starin’ at that box. They call it binge-watchin’. Sounds like somethin’ you’d do with beans. But they like it, so I reckon that’s all that matters.
These young’uns, they got all these names for things. Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Randy Savage, Ric Flair. We just called folks by their given names back in my day. Simpler times, I guess. But this primitive WWE, it’s got a hold on ’em, that’s for sure.
They even got women fightin’ now. Can you believe it? Strong women, too, not like the ones you see in town. These ones, they could probably plow a field faster than any man. It’s somethin’ else, I tell ya.
This whole primitive WWE thing, it’s a spectacle. Like a circus, but with more fightin’ and less clowns. Unless you count some of them outfits they wear. Sparkly and tight, like they’re tryin’ to show off everythin’ they got. We just wore overalls back in my day. More practical, you know?
I don’t rightly understand it all, but it sure is entertainin’. Like watchin’ a bunch of chickens fightin’ over a worm, but with more yellin’ and fancy moves. And they get paid for it, too. Can you imagine? Gettin’ paid to fight. Back in my day, you just got a black eye and a story to tell.
It’s a different world now, that’s for sure. This primitive WWE is proof of that. But hey, as long as they’re happy, and ain’t nobody gettin’ seriously hurt, I reckon it’s all right. Just don’t ask me to join in. My fightin’ days are long gone. Now, I’d rather just sit on my porch and watch the world go by. It’s a whole lot quieter, and I don’t have to worry about gettin’ thrown around like a sack of potatoes.
