Alright, listen up, y’all. I’m gonna tell ya about this WWE Superstars Series 5 thing, whatever that is. Sounds like a bunch of noisy fellas wrestlin’ around, if you ask me.
Now, I ain’t never watched this stuff myself, mind you. Too busy churnin’ butter and feedin’ the chickens. But from what I hear, it’s somethin’ like those old-timey strongman shows at the county fair, only with more spandex and hairspray. Lots and lots of hairspray.
- First off, they got this fella, Lex Luger, yellin’ at some fella named Tatanka. Sounds like a couple of roosters squawkin’ in the barnyard, if you ask me. I bet Tatanka done somethin’ to rile him up, like stealin’ his prize-winning pumpkin or somethin’.
- Then there’s this Abe Schwartz, some new fella, “Knuckleball” they call him. Sounds like a fancy name for a fella who throws a mean punch. Probably got fists like hams, that one.
And don’t even get me started on this Undertaker fella. Sounds spooky, like somethin’ out of a dime-store novel. He’s givin’ some other big fella, Yokozuna, a “foreboding warning.” Hmph, sounds like a lot of hot air to me. Prob’ly just tryin’ to scare him, like my old man used to scare the crows outta the cornfield with that ol’ rusty shotgun.
Then there’s this Todd Pettengill character, seems like he’s the one tellin’ everybody what’s goin’ on. He’s talkin’ ’bout Bob Backlund. I remember hearin’ about him on the radio once, back when I was still young enough to care about such things. Said he was tough as nails. Prob’ly could wrestle a bear and win, that one.
Now, I reckon this here WWE Superstars Series 5 is somethin’ you can watch on the TV, or maybe even on that fancy internet thingamajig my grandson’s always fussin’ with. They say you can find it on a whole bunch of different places, like lookin’ for a lost sock in the laundry basket.
They also got these things called “action figures.” Now, I ain’t never seen one of them up close, but I hear they’re like little dolls of these wrestlin’ fellas. Kids these days, they’ll play with anything. When I was a girl, we played with rocks and sticks, and we were happy with it, I tell ya. Kids these days, they got it too easy.
Anyway, from what I can gather, these Superstars fellas, they put on quite a show. Lots of grunting and groaning and flinging each other around. Reminds me of when the cows get loose in the pasture, only with less mooing and more… spandex. Like I said before, lots and lots of spandex.
And I guess this Series 5 is just one part of a bigger thing, like a chapter in a long book. They been doin’ this wrestlin’ show thing for years, apparently. Must be makin’ somebody some money, that’s for sure. Nothin’ else makes sense, folks runnin’ around in silly costumes and pretendin’ to hurt each other.
So, there ya have it. That’s all I know ’bout this WWE Superstars Series 5. If you like watchin’ grown men in tight pants grapple with each other, then I guess this is the show for you. Me? I’ll stick to my chickens and my churnin’. At least I know what I’m gettin’ with them.
And one last thing, don’t go wastin’ your hard-earned money on all that fancy merchandise they sell. Save it for somethin’ important, like a good pair of work boots or a bag of chicken feed. That’s my two cents, anyway. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go check on my rhubarb pie.
Tags: WWE Superstars, Lex Luger, Tatanka, The Undertaker, Yokozuna, Bob Backlund, Wrestling, Action Figures, TV Series, Sports Entertainment
